063 - what if we're not really scared of rejection...
I'm a people pleaser, I'll do everything in my power to help the other person achieve more and have them like me, even if it's to my detriment emotionally and physically - hell, you might be too
It's been with me for a long time, as I used to think that it was a success. If people didn't hate me, I wouldn't hate myself and so on... I used to think that doing all I could to get people to like me would save me from one of the things I dreaded most - rejection
Growing up as an overweight kid, I didn't think people would like me due to my appearance, so I'd try to be the funny guy. I'd try super hard in everything to try and showcase my worth, even though our worth begins and ends inside of us - with our own self-worth
And it's safe to say that rejection is one thing that the YA + A's fear and want to stay away from as well, and yet the acceptance of others is something they're seeking... To have one, you need to risk the other
But what even is rejection, and who defines it? Someone not agreeing with your points of view and how you see something is perfectly natural & is their right - so we make the rejection up then in our own heads... we feel rejection, even though rejection didn't truly occur
And this all hit me like a ton of bricks the other day as I was on a group-coaching call in my business coaching group... the guest speaker said: "there is no such thing as a fear of rejection... we all have a severe attachment to being liked"
We're focusing on the wrong thing... instead of trying to detach ourselves from rejection, which is always going to be there for us in life, we should instead be working on ourselves to detach from the need for being liked by everyone... a need that causes us to change our fundamental selves to fit the "likings" of other people
Which is absolutely ludicrous!
Ex-Navy Seal and worlds toughest man (by far) David Goggins tells a story about his childhood where he was in school and all he desired was to sit with the cool kids at their table. And he'd try and try to change himself, his clothes, his appearance so that they would accept him and let him sit at their table. Then one day, he saw himself in the mirror, and he saw that the person staring back at him was the only person he truly needed to please at the end of the day - he was angry at himself for changing who he was for other people - and the next day, he sat at his own table
And the funniest thing, other people came and sat with him...
Don't ever lose sight of yourself or try and change yourself for the acceptance of others because you fear their rejection. Have the utmost of self-worth and belief for yourself, for you're great as you are, and if others don't see that, it's their loss
Actionable Tips + Questions:
- Do I have an attachment to being liked by people? If so, where is this stemming from and how can I break it?
- Am I trying to change myself or things about myself to please other people and get their approval? What am I trying to change and is this REALLY okay with me?