082 - a more powerful internal conversation...

In episode 058, we discussed how the little voice inside our own head determines the quality of our lives... And when we dive deeper into this language, we discover that there are three different pillars of conflict language that we use when we talk to ourselves

  1. Projections
  2. Negations
  3. Soft-Talk

Negations include words such as can't and won't, projections are if this happens or when this happens, and soft talk includes words such as should, probably, could, etc...

Personally, my biggest pillar that I must overcome is soft talk. There are far too many times during the day that I say to myself "Nick, you need/could/should/probably (not) do that...", or "Nick, you need/could/should/probably do that better..."

One of my biggest is: "I need to be doing this" - particularly when it comes to doing work for The Academy... it feels like a need as our language influences particular aspects of our reality in a variety of ways

Another is "I could probably do this better" - with this being anything in my day to day activities

When I say these sorts of things to myself, the feelings that arise in me are ones of sadness, guilt, anger - all are failure and negativity driven and don't create a positive environment nor experience for attacking and winning the day

And the more I delve into it, these sentences become crutches to use as an excuse to let myself off the hook and not do the things I need to be doing - a painful and powerful realisation! But how do we go about changing this kind of self-talk...

For me, it's turning it into a more positive affirmation, and as an example, we'll use the "I could probably do this better"

The first step is identifying what the hell it is... for me, it was my nutrition and not snacking on sugary junk-foods late at night that left me fighting a sugar hangover the next morning

So the sentence became I could probably eat better...

Now, watch what begins to happen to the sentence and the feelings it arouses as we remove, add, and change words (say these to yourself out loud)

  • I could probably eat better
  • I could eat better (it's now not a probable situation, it's a definite that I could)
  • I eat better (we're pre-framing more positive habits and actions)
  • I eat better at night by choosing fruits and veggies for my sugar pangs

It's all science that's a part of Mark England's phenomenal business Procabulary - a page I highly suggest you follow on Instagram 

Now, let's use your sporting goals + aspirations and the self-talk you would use as an example...

  • I should probably go to training and try my best
  • I should go to training and try my best
  • I go to training and always give my best effort...
  • I could probably make the rep side
  • I could make the rep side if I tried my hardest
  • I would make the rep side if I tried my hardest
  • I will make the rep side by trying my hardest and doing everything I can

When you change the words you use and the structure you say them in, you change your feelings, actions, and your reality... so choose them wisely

Actionable Tips + Questions:

  • What's your internal conversation like at the moment? Does it need a shift, and if so, how? 
  • What are some more empowering sentences you can say to/ask yourself to elicit more action and positive feelings?
Nick Maier